Goals: Written Down and Methodically Pursued

I have the frequent opportunity of meeting people who are facing significant challenges in their life, usually medical challenges but not always.  Sometimes people face job layoffs, other losses, or lifecycle age-related concerns like planning for retirement or seeking a new place of employment.  Other changes can be setting new life goals and pursuing a new found purpose for living.  

Let me share two really simple facts of life:  (1) Most changes happen one step at a time, including working towards important goals like a college degree or tackling a home improvement project.  (2)  Writing goals on paper is a good way to hold oneself accountable and to remain on target for reaching the goal. 

As I enter 2018 I am reminding myself that “written goals” are more likely to be achieved versus keeping goals unwritten and only in one's mind.  That has been my anecdotal experience.  Looking at goals on paper gives focus and direction to the dreamer and individual.  Here’s wishing everyone an abiding hope and strong determination that give you energy and guidance for reaching your goals.  

Gone Too Soon: Honoring a Colleague and Friend

I knew that Sherry was facing a life threatening illness and she was doing all she could to serve her institution, to take care of herself, and to be a light to the world.  My good colleague, Chaplain Reverend Sherry Owensby-Sikes, died on November 4, 2017 at age 71.  She was the Chaplain at the Lutheran retirement community, Franke at Seaside, in Mount Pleasant, South Carolina for 17 years.  More than that she was a wife, mother, devoted Christian, professional chaplain, Lutheran pastor, and trusted colleague who deeply cared for people.  I want to dedicate this blog to her life, and in memory of her ministry and work as a chaplain.  I also want to share my heartfelt condolences for Mr. Dave Sikes, Sherry’s husband, in his great loss.  

Sherry was an outstanding listener.  She was an empathetic pastoral caregiver.  She could connect with others at the soul level in a respectful and tolerant manner--always.  She trusted God and helped others to lean into God’s great grace and care.  She was a champion of those who had been marginalized by a society that is in love with power, money, and status.  She was a chaplain to chaplains.  She advocated for professional chaplaincy and the goal of helping other chaplains reach their potential.  She was a leader and amazing advocate.  She is someone you would want to call, “true friend.”  I honor and remember Chaplain Sherry and I will miss her.   May the LORD comfort Dave Sikes and Sherry’s family.  Sherry’s death, like Christ’s death, is not the last word.  The last word is God’s invitation and welcome into the eternal Kingdom of God where grace and mercy will rule the day.  I am grateful for Sherry’s commitment and witness that embodied God’s mercy and grace to a hurting and aging world.   She will be greatly missed by many.  

Initial Reflections on Being a Grandparent

My parents received a double blessing.  They were gifted with 14 grandchildren from their four kids.  Seven is the number of completion and I think you get my drift—they received double!   In both cases they were the kids from their nuclear families who ended up with the most grandchildren, of course not related at all to any of their own doing but a double blessing nonetheless.  The LORD gave me four beautiful kids and I am thankful for each one of them.  I can’t see into the future and I don’t know how many grandkids will grace my world but the one so far is a great blessing.  I became a grandparent at age 53 and it seemed like I was too young for that to be happening.  Even so I have friends who have had grandchildren at a younger age.  So, obviously I don’t get to choose when that happens.  It’s part of receiving gifts that are granted by a source and power greater than me.  I am the recipient and thankful indeed.

Looking ahead I have three hopes for my precious granddaughter, Eloise Grace, and any others who may follow after her.  First, I want her to know the LORD.  I have prayed for her and will continue to do so but nothing is more important to me than that fact. I want her to be proud of my work as a minister and I hope it is a heritage in which she can feel deep pride.  Second, I want her to be well educated.  Going to college would be an assumption but only time will tell since that is not for everyone.  Either way, I want her to be well read, educated, and a young woman who serves God and contributes greatly to the world.  Thirdly, I hope that she be raised in a strong, stable, hardworking family where she learns good values.  I want her to be secure and know that I love her and all of her grandparents love her.  I want her to have a solid circle of love.  So, I don’t think this is asking for too much.  It’s a simple list and life is sometimes anything but simple.  Yet, maybe it’s the basic, simple things that matter most.

The “grandparenting” world is new and opening up to me. I don’t even have an official name yet.  I am waiting on that too.  So, it feels good to join the “grandparent” club.  I know it is by God’s grace and that is for sure. 

Claiming the Past, Discerning the Future: Where to Now?

I just finished reading the short, softback, 97 page book titled, "Our Father: Discovering Family" witten by Mitch Carnell, Ph.D. It's a very inspirational and devotional book as he shared his story of overcoming an eyesight disability and growing up in the racially segregated South in the 1950's and 60's. I highly recommend it to you. It's a honest recounting of the Southern Baptist struggles and his involvement as the Southern Baptists and Cooperative Baptists went their own ways in the 1980's and 90's. I lost friends in that divide and fortunately multiplication and growth were secondary outgrowths of that organizational conflict. I guess that's the silver lining interpretation. He is the founder and CEO of the Charleston Speech and Hearing Center and a Fellow of the American Speech Language and Hearing Association. He hails from Woodruff, SC and he is a longtime member of the First Baptist Church Charleston.

I was baptized and had my first holy communion in the Catholic church in the 1960s. Then in 1982 I had an adult faith experience and was baptized by immersion and joined a Southern Baptist church. The rest is history as they say. I want to integrate Dr. Carnell's book and story with my own story. We can claim all that God has allowed and brought to our lives, even as we have made personal decisions. Yes, I am a person who really honors and respects humanity's free will. I think it is one of God's greatest gifts to us. Even so, there are some things that happen to us, like my infant baptism and first holy communion. I was guided and lead into those experiences by my parents and the larger church. That is the truth.

I invite you and me to own all of our religious and spiritual traditions if that is your desire and will. It is certainly mine. In fact it makes my life so much richer, even complex at times. It's true in life that we are complex beings with beliefs, values, traditions and worldviews that change.

Most importantly for me, the question is now, "Where to from here?" Once the traditions are owned and integrated then it is my job to move forward, under God's leading, to be a positive influence in this world. I have choices to make. Where do I want to invest my time, energy, values, beliefs, good works, and educational experiences? I am continually working on that question. Dr. Carnell's book left me feeling spiritually inspired based on his good works and his life but it also left me asking the question, "Where do I go now? and "How do I take all I have and move into a good and hopeful future?" At the very least I plan to seek God and God's guidance in answering those questions. I feel like the LORD will lead me just like he lead Dr Carnell and I hope God will lead you too if that is your wish.

Eloise Grace Love - Born August 28, 2017

This past Monday I had the blessing and joy of becoming a grandfather to Eloise Grace Love who was born at 31.6 weeks and 2 lbs. 9 ounces, and 15 inches long.  I am thankful for my beautiful daughter, Sierra and her husband Michael and I celebrate her birth with them.  They will be wonderful parents.  Eloise was born at Palmetto Baptist Hospital in Columbia, SC.

In Eloise's honor I want to share Psalm 139:13-18.

13 For you created my inmost being;

    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

    your works are wonderful,

    I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you

    when I was made in the secret place,

    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;

    all the days ordained for me were written in your book

    before one of them came to be.

17 How precious to me are your thoughts, God!

    How vast is the sum of them!

18 Were I to count them,

    they would outnumber the grains of sand—

    when I awake, I am still with you.

May 31, 1992 - Ordination: Twenty Five Years Later

This past May 31st marked my 25th year as an ordained Christian Minister. I was ordained to the ministry at and by Emmanuel Baptist Church in West Chester, PA. I was 28 years old at the time and looking back there has been a myriad of minstry experiences including serving two churches as an associate pastor, part time youth ministry, home and social ministry, correctional chaplaincy and the past 17 years as a hospital chaplain that included clinical pastoral education. I am grateful to God for the opportunity to serve God and people. To be honest I have tried to discern and follow the LORD with the most sincere, grace and mercy filled devotion that I know. God's leading has been so clear through most of the past 25 and for that I am grateful and humbled. So, I look ahead with greater eagerness, maturity, wisdom and artistry. In closing, let me share one scripture verse that has guided and aided me in my journey of serving others: Luke 4:18-19 - "The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor."

Golf and Life: Stay in the Game

1. One bad hole does not make a life. It’s ok to take the double bogey and play the next hole. Each day brings new opportunity. Sometimes you have to flush the double bogeys or a bad day or a bad something.

2. Sometimes it’s better to be lucky rather than good. That happens when your playing partner holes the ball from 100 yards out.

3. Manners and kindness go a long way in life. Complimenting your partner on a good shot is the right thing to do. Same for someone at work who does a good job or goes the extra mile or a family member who offers a helping hand with one of life’s challenges.

4. Golf is a game for a lifetime. So is life. It’s not over until it’s over. Keep going and keep pressing since a par or eagle may lay ahead. Life’s best days are ahead--hopefully.

5. Golf requires focus and so does life. Don’t get distracted by things that don’t matter. Focus on what matters most to you.

6. Patience. Sometimes the foursome ahead is playing slower than you want. Sometimes change and goodness are not happening at the rate you want them. Patience and time are important. Hold on. Usually the group ahead clears and then your opportunity appears. It’s an ordered world and so is golf. Waiting for one’s turn is just part of life and part of golf.

7. Par is good. It’s not average. It means you met the goal. Reaching goals and par go hand in hand.

8. Make new friends. Golf is a social game. Be open to small gestures of assistance like when the other person tends the flag or picks up your club for you. Say thank you when you are complimented.

9. Some things are meant to end. That includes a bad front 9. Lunch at the turn can always give new energy, hopefulness, and new goals. Past successes or failures don’t predetermine future results.

10. Finally, like life, it is easy to get off track and into the rough, woods, or water. Take the medicine and the penalty shot and then go ahead a make the third shot and the eventual up and down for par 5. Enjoy your “round” and be sure to stay in the game.

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Churning of the Soul: Lasting Change

The numbers on calendars change. The sun and moon alternate between who gets to shine. Graduations miraculously happen. Presidents come and go. Sermons get preached each Sunday. Yet the only true and lasting change that happens is that which gets churned in the soul. That change is transforming and lasting and inexplicable. Once tasted it becomes the true quencher of life's parched landscape. It's the holy grail. Changes in the heart, mind and soul are priceless yet elusive and hard work. All people are on that path one way or another. Soul work combined with life's hard daily work--now that's a life worth contemplating and then living.

When a River Becomes a Main Character in a Movie

The Mississippi River is like a character in the movie “Mud.”  That’s what some of the movie viewers have written in comments after seeing the movie.  I believe their reviews and I have never seen the movie but I have seen the River and the Delta.

Traversing the flat Mississippi Delta in my car from Memphis TN to Little Rock AR along I-40 a couple of weeks ago had me thinking of one of my favorite songs by Marc Cohn, “Walking in Memphis,” especially reliving the images and musical lyrics, “…Now, they've got catfish on the table, They've got gospel in the air, and Reverend Green, will be glad to see you, When you haven't got a prayer, But boy you got a prayer in Memphis.”    The Mississippi River really did become a character for me as I contemplated its beauty and its associated beauty known as the “Mississippi Delta.”  The intricately woven crop lines, probably drawn for irrigation and flood avoidance, were artistic and picturesque.  The acreage seemed limitless.  The visual took me to my heart and my soul.  I was moved by the tapestry of the land, the rich dark soil that is so life giving and life producing.  Thank God for life producing symbols.  We need them more than we know sometimes.

My comments about the River are not so much associated with the movie (Mud) but more about the River and its depth and breadth and the beautiful farmland “delta mud” that was simply so amazing, so flat, and so fertile.  The eye can see far and wide due to the flatland and the acreage given to growing crops.  

Just one day later after arriving in Little Rock I was shockingly surprised to learn that the commencement speaker for my daughter’s graduation was the writer and film director of the movie Mud, Jeff Nichols (a native of Little Rock, Arkansas).  I surely didn’t see that coming!  So, here are the three takeaways from my trip and the speech that I want to offer.  (1) Let us keep our eyes open and our hearts wide open since seeing is both a matter of the eyes and the heart.  (2)  The Mississippi Delta with the fertile soil reminds me that life-giving spiritual resources are critical to energizing our service and work and life.  (3) As Mr Nichols so eloquently said in his speech, we need energy and passion in our work and service to humanity—many times that energy is spiritual and thankfully right in front of our eyes.  

Spiritual Care: At the Beginning, In the Middle and At the End of Life

Where do you think a person needs the most and intense spiritual care in the course of a life?  Would it be as a child, a teenager, a young or median aged adult, or in the senior years?  That’s a hard question to answer for me and maybe hard for you to answer as well.   As a hospital chaplain there is no doubt that much of my time is willingly and humbly spent caring for senior adult patients and those nearing the end of life.  But I want to make the case for the idea, somewhat self-evident, that all aged people need spiritual care and the individual has the task of finding ways to meet those needs.

I remember our oldest daughter’s “baby dedication” at Emmanuel Baptist Church in West Chester, PA in late 1989.  I was so proud of her and she was a delight.  I still remember the pink bow/ribbon and beautiful pink dress she adorned.  I felt very proud and greatly humbled to be part of the service where she was dedicated to God and I was dedicating myself to raise her up in the ways of the LORD.  Children are the beneficiaries of the spiritual work and dedication that parents exercise and those actions can include bringing them to religious training classes, regular worship and special events like Vacation Bible School. 

Eventually kids grow up and they have to decide for themselves how they will chart their spiritual journeys.  Which books will they read?  Will they attend services?  Will they go with their parents?  Those questions become more open ended and answerable by the growing and maturing teen and young adult.  Eventually, a person in young adulthood tests their faith and follows the similar road of parents or maybe even goes in the total opposite direction.  Then, at some point, middle aged adults have the task of finding ways to remain faithful to their religious ideals or to chart new spiritual goals.  Here’s my point:  Spiritual needs and growth can happen at all ages, not just end of life or in the senior adult years. 

Self-awareness and self-reflection are two very important focal points for spiritual growth.  Looking inward to one’s emotions, spiritual beliefs, and values helps one to gain a more sure understanding of one’s present condition.  Looking outward to God, nature, a higher power, or even more spiritually minded people can be healthy and helpful too.  There are many spiritual caregivers in the world who are more than willing to help us on our journey.  That may be a chaplain, a pastor, a rabbi, an imam, or a pastoral counselor.  Challenges throughout the life cycle will surely come.   When those tests appear, don’t forget to find a spiritual caregiver who can guide you and help you regardless of one’s age or one’s problems and needs.  The time for spiritual growth is always today and always now.  May you be blessed as you spiritually grow and develop in the coming days and months.  

Sky Pilot: The Chaplain's Calling

The Sky pilot blesses his people. His prayers are from the heart. His prayers come from his soul. His prayers are given with all of his efforts, for who knows, the Holy One may answer! Fear is a two way street. The Sky pilot (chaplain) is sometimes just as fearful as those with whom he visits and offers prayer. His words are his heartfelt attempt to tell them God is with them, even in death. The parents at home are just as scared as the Sky pilot and the soldiers going off to war. All prayers are true to the Sky pilot’s heart and work. Whether the prayer is liturgical, extemporaneous, or mumbled, the Sky pilot still prays and still whispers the words, “God will be with you.” Prayers are offered for ALL WAR TO END. Even so, the prayers sometime feel unanswered and death seems to gain the victory. Yet, continual meditation and prayers are the way to victory for the Sky pilot and the soldiers and airmen. The Sky pilot wants the soldiers to find courage and he is sometimes the inspiration for others to go on, sometimes in fighting and sometimes in humble acceptance of God’s will and humanity’s will. Even the faithful Sky pilot needs rest and prayer, and so do the soldiers and airmen. Rest that only God can give. Rest to believe and to hope and to live faithfully in the middle of troubles. Sometimes service to God and to country supersede service to family and friends, even if the end goal may be uncertain. After all, no one knows for sure if one will reach the sky. At times, death happens and one soldier kills another and the Sky pilot has to find the words of love and care. Yes, it’s a holy mission for holy men and women. We need more Sky pilots. Will you pray? Will you help the dying? Will you love in the midst of hate? If so, you are a band of brothers and sisters called Sky pilots. Welcome to the Call and the Sky!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lroU7apzma8

(Eric Burdon and The Animals, 1968)

YouTube and Earbuds: Leaning Into New Technology

I must admit that the availability of YouTube and my iPhone earbuds have been a new and pleasant surprise for me in my on going needs for learning and enjoyment.  My 22 year old son’s love for YouTube used to amaze me and caused me to reflect on his fixation of its use.  I would commonly think to myself, “He sure does use YouTube a lot” …. “I wonder why?”   It is now making more and more sense as I have begun to use YouTube for my continuing education and spiritual needs around the topics of spirituality, faith, psychology, music and personal growth.   My cell phone plan gives me unlimited access to YouTube and that includes music and whole albums from generations past.     

Technology is a lot like the unwrapped gift waiting for me to open it up and taking the first step to learn something new.  That includes using my earbuds, finally.  It also includes wading into the deep waters of YouTube and checking out its usefulness.  Yes, YouTube is amazingly useful and a goldmine and resource of free information.  It’s a gift of modern technology that is ready for the taking and use.  Tapping into YouTube has reminded me, once again, that learning and personal growth are up to me.    Opening myself to new technology, YouTube and earbuds, have paid surprisingly good learning dividends for me.    My next step is to dive into audio books, and I am eager to discover if audio books are good for me and my needs.  Feel free to send or post your thoughts on audio books and YouTube.  I welcome your opinions on both.  Thanks.

The Backup Quarterback: The Most Liked Guy on the Team

I am still pondering the feat and work and magic that happened on Sunday night in Houston.  New England should not have been able to come back and win after being down a huge 25 points going late into the third quarter.  Everyone loves the backup quarterback.  After all, when the team is down and the quarterback is not getting the job done, the backup looks and feels like the guy who could answer the bell and bring back some mojo and maybe get some points on the scoreboard.  Three points is not enough to win the Super Bowl and neither are 6^th round picks from college supposed to go on and win 5 Super Bowls.  And I am convinced that no one, hardly no one, could name the New England Patriot’s backup QB.  I know that I can’t name him and I consider myself an informed fan.  Yet, Tom Brady, who I like to call Captain America, lead his team to an unbelievable comeback win that is still hard to believe.  What’s ironic is the fact that Brady himself was the backup QB at Michigan in college.  Then, he barely got drafted and some say very late, in the 6^th round as the 199th overall pick.  Many 6^th rounders never make a pro team—never.  Yet, Brady, the underachiever turned overachiever was leading his TEAM to victory Sunday.

Some people say there is no “I” in the word “TEAM.”  I would beg to differ.  In fact without a strong “I” and a strong commitment to “TEAM,” there is no way Brady does what he does on Sunday.  I admire how he kept his head in the game, kept believing, kept pushing even after numerous sacks by Atlanta.  Brady never got down on his fellow TEAMmates.  He kept believing.  There were even times where he seemed to be focusing, meditating, praying, or whatever you want to call it.  There were times he was doing some serious soul-searching and some serious questioning, “Can we do this?”  He was looking in his own heart and challenging his own self and counting his own costs to push himself to a most improbable victory. 

So, who is the New England backup QB?   Just for fun I looked it up and his name is Jimmy Garoppolo.  He is a third year player out of Eastern Illinois.  To be honest I have not heard of him nor did I know that Eastern Illinois had a football team.    I am sure that Jimmy G is not the most liked guy on the team.  That is usually reserved for teams where the starter and backup are close in skill and talent and the one not playing is the one who fans think the backup can reignite or inspire a lackluster team.  What’s really amazing is the fact that Garoppolo has the blessing of watching and seeing one of the greatest QB’s do his work. 

Finally, I want to believe Tom Brady’s will to win is the engine that drives his success. He is determined and so fiercely competitive and has not done too bad for a backup QB in college and a 6^th round draft pick.  He sure knows how to be a positive “I” and positive force for a TEAM that truly believed in itself. 

Pecans and a Hopeful Future

Mr. and Mrs. Tommy and Carolyn Glover are some special friends. They are in their early 80’s and have lived productive and sacrificial lives as dedicated employees, caring family leaders, and faithful church members. Tommy and Carolyn live in Dallas, North Carolina in the heart of the Piedmont with rolling hills, farmland, hardwoods, muscadine grapes, and pecan trees. He even boasts that some of the same rock and stone from famous Stone Mountain Georgia actually traverses the land northeastward into his own yard. I have seen the rock projecting upward in the ground and yard and I will accept his declaration as fact.

Tommy shared with me that he has planted some pecan trees in his yard for future family generations to enjoy. I love pecans and Mrs. Carolyn can make a pecan pie like nobody else. Brother Tommy’s pecan trees will take somewhere between 7-15 years to bear fruit. You get the point. He is planting so that others would one day reap.

I am enjoying this time in my life. My kids are grown and they are continuing to exercise their independence, thereby giving me more freedom to invest my time and energy in some new ways. Now, more than ever, I think about how my work, my skills, my investments are helping others to build their future and reap a good harvest. Mr. and Mrs. Tommy and Carolyn Glover continue to show me how to invest, plant, and nurture our kids, our next generation, grand kids, and the faith communities. Even in the midst of a divided nation, I will continue to hope and live and help push forward the vision of creating a society where life, liberty and prosperity for all can become the present reality and norm. We can do it—one person and one action at a time.

How Much Education and Experience? Jump In Now.

If one is not careful, myself included, it would be easy to say “I’m not ready to do such and such until I have the right education, right experience, right boss, right job location, right office location, etc.”  I want to challenge that idea for me and for you.  Why not just jump in and do what you can with what you have and then worry about the next degree, the next training class, or getting the right job and location before challenging yourself to new tasks and new learning?  Maybe you are ready.  Maybe the time has come, like the musician Meatloaf sang, “Put me in coach, I’m ready to play…”  Now, don’t get me wrong because I do think we need minimal education levels and standards.  Yet, there are times when the clock is ticking and time is running out.  We only have today and we are not guaranteed tomorrow.  So, as you begin this New Year, I invite you to join me to “Jump in” and tackle some new work goals and some tasks that have learning curves, even big curves.  Maybe you and others and I are ready to move forward with challenging ourselves to try out some new things.  I think so and I am wishing everyone the courage to do so.  Time is short or at the least we are on the clock.