Gone Too Soon: Honoring a Colleague and Friend

I knew that Sherry was facing a life threatening illness and she was doing all she could to serve her institution, to take care of herself, and to be a light to the world.  My good colleague, Chaplain Reverend Sherry Owensby-Sikes, died on November 4, 2017 at age 71.  She was the Chaplain at the Lutheran retirement community, Franke at Seaside, in Mount Pleasant, South Carolina for 17 years.  More than that she was a wife, mother, devoted Christian, professional chaplain, Lutheran pastor, and trusted colleague who deeply cared for people.  I want to dedicate this blog to her life, and in memory of her ministry and work as a chaplain.  I also want to share my heartfelt condolences for Mr. Dave Sikes, Sherry’s husband, in his great loss.  

Sherry was an outstanding listener.  She was an empathetic pastoral caregiver.  She could connect with others at the soul level in a respectful and tolerant manner--always.  She trusted God and helped others to lean into God’s great grace and care.  She was a champion of those who had been marginalized by a society that is in love with power, money, and status.  She was a chaplain to chaplains.  She advocated for professional chaplaincy and the goal of helping other chaplains reach their potential.  She was a leader and amazing advocate.  She is someone you would want to call, “true friend.”  I honor and remember Chaplain Sherry and I will miss her.   May the LORD comfort Dave Sikes and Sherry’s family.  Sherry’s death, like Christ’s death, is not the last word.  The last word is God’s invitation and welcome into the eternal Kingdom of God where grace and mercy will rule the day.  I am grateful for Sherry’s commitment and witness that embodied God’s mercy and grace to a hurting and aging world.   She will be greatly missed by many.  

Initial Reflections on Being a Grandparent

My parents received a double blessing.  They were gifted with 14 grandchildren from their four kids.  Seven is the number of completion and I think you get my drift—they received double!   In both cases they were the kids from their nuclear families who ended up with the most grandchildren, of course not related at all to any of their own doing but a double blessing nonetheless.  The LORD gave me four beautiful kids and I am thankful for each one of them.  I can’t see into the future and I don’t know how many grandkids will grace my world but the one so far is a great blessing.  I became a grandparent at age 53 and it seemed like I was too young for that to be happening.  Even so I have friends who have had grandchildren at a younger age.  So, obviously I don’t get to choose when that happens.  It’s part of receiving gifts that are granted by a source and power greater than me.  I am the recipient and thankful indeed.

Looking ahead I have three hopes for my precious granddaughter, Eloise Grace, and any others who may follow after her.  First, I want her to know the LORD.  I have prayed for her and will continue to do so but nothing is more important to me than that fact. I want her to be proud of my work as a minister and I hope it is a heritage in which she can feel deep pride.  Second, I want her to be well educated.  Going to college would be an assumption but only time will tell since that is not for everyone.  Either way, I want her to be well read, educated, and a young woman who serves God and contributes greatly to the world.  Thirdly, I hope that she be raised in a strong, stable, hardworking family where she learns good values.  I want her to be secure and know that I love her and all of her grandparents love her.  I want her to have a solid circle of love.  So, I don’t think this is asking for too much.  It’s a simple list and life is sometimes anything but simple.  Yet, maybe it’s the basic, simple things that matter most.

The “grandparenting” world is new and opening up to me. I don’t even have an official name yet.  I am waiting on that too.  So, it feels good to join the “grandparent” club.  I know it is by God’s grace and that is for sure. 

Claiming the Past, Discerning the Future: Where to Now?

I just finished reading the short, softback, 97 page book titled, "Our Father: Discovering Family" witten by Mitch Carnell, Ph.D. It's a very inspirational and devotional book as he shared his story of overcoming an eyesight disability and growing up in the racially segregated South in the 1950's and 60's. I highly recommend it to you. It's a honest recounting of the Southern Baptist struggles and his involvement as the Southern Baptists and Cooperative Baptists went their own ways in the 1980's and 90's. I lost friends in that divide and fortunately multiplication and growth were secondary outgrowths of that organizational conflict. I guess that's the silver lining interpretation. He is the founder and CEO of the Charleston Speech and Hearing Center and a Fellow of the American Speech Language and Hearing Association. He hails from Woodruff, SC and he is a longtime member of the First Baptist Church Charleston.

I was baptized and had my first holy communion in the Catholic church in the 1960s. Then in 1982 I had an adult faith experience and was baptized by immersion and joined a Southern Baptist church. The rest is history as they say. I want to integrate Dr. Carnell's book and story with my own story. We can claim all that God has allowed and brought to our lives, even as we have made personal decisions. Yes, I am a person who really honors and respects humanity's free will. I think it is one of God's greatest gifts to us. Even so, there are some things that happen to us, like my infant baptism and first holy communion. I was guided and lead into those experiences by my parents and the larger church. That is the truth.

I invite you and me to own all of our religious and spiritual traditions if that is your desire and will. It is certainly mine. In fact it makes my life so much richer, even complex at times. It's true in life that we are complex beings with beliefs, values, traditions and worldviews that change.

Most importantly for me, the question is now, "Where to from here?" Once the traditions are owned and integrated then it is my job to move forward, under God's leading, to be a positive influence in this world. I have choices to make. Where do I want to invest my time, energy, values, beliefs, good works, and educational experiences? I am continually working on that question. Dr. Carnell's book left me feeling spiritually inspired based on his good works and his life but it also left me asking the question, "Where do I go now? and "How do I take all I have and move into a good and hopeful future?" At the very least I plan to seek God and God's guidance in answering those questions. I feel like the LORD will lead me just like he lead Dr Carnell and I hope God will lead you too if that is your wish.

Eloise Grace Love - Born August 28, 2017

This past Monday I had the blessing and joy of becoming a grandfather to Eloise Grace Love who was born at 31.6 weeks and 2 lbs. 9 ounces, and 15 inches long.  I am thankful for my beautiful daughter, Sierra and her husband Michael and I celebrate her birth with them.  They will be wonderful parents.  Eloise was born at Palmetto Baptist Hospital in Columbia, SC.

In Eloise's honor I want to share Psalm 139:13-18.

13 For you created my inmost being;

    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

    your works are wonderful,

    I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you

    when I was made in the secret place,

    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;

    all the days ordained for me were written in your book

    before one of them came to be.

17 How precious to me are your thoughts, God!

    How vast is the sum of them!

18 Were I to count them,

    they would outnumber the grains of sand—

    when I awake, I am still with you.

May 31, 1992 - Ordination: Twenty Five Years Later

This past May 31st marked my 25th year as an ordained Christian Minister. I was ordained to the ministry at and by Emmanuel Baptist Church in West Chester, PA. I was 28 years old at the time and looking back there has been a myriad of minstry experiences including serving two churches as an associate pastor, part time youth ministry, home and social ministry, correctional chaplaincy and the past 17 years as a hospital chaplain that included clinical pastoral education. I am grateful to God for the opportunity to serve God and people. To be honest I have tried to discern and follow the LORD with the most sincere, grace and mercy filled devotion that I know. God's leading has been so clear through most of the past 25 and for that I am grateful and humbled. So, I look ahead with greater eagerness, maturity, wisdom and artistry. In closing, let me share one scripture verse that has guided and aided me in my journey of serving others: Luke 4:18-19 - "The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor."

Golf and Life: Stay in the Game

1. One bad hole does not make a life. It’s ok to take the double bogey and play the next hole. Each day brings new opportunity. Sometimes you have to flush the double bogeys or a bad day or a bad something.

2. Sometimes it’s better to be lucky rather than good. That happens when your playing partner holes the ball from 100 yards out.

3. Manners and kindness go a long way in life. Complimenting your partner on a good shot is the right thing to do. Same for someone at work who does a good job or goes the extra mile or a family member who offers a helping hand with one of life’s challenges.

4. Golf is a game for a lifetime. So is life. It’s not over until it’s over. Keep going and keep pressing since a par or eagle may lay ahead. Life’s best days are ahead--hopefully.

5. Golf requires focus and so does life. Don’t get distracted by things that don’t matter. Focus on what matters most to you.

6. Patience. Sometimes the foursome ahead is playing slower than you want. Sometimes change and goodness are not happening at the rate you want them. Patience and time are important. Hold on. Usually the group ahead clears and then your opportunity appears. It’s an ordered world and so is golf. Waiting for one’s turn is just part of life and part of golf.

7. Par is good. It’s not average. It means you met the goal. Reaching goals and par go hand in hand.

8. Make new friends. Golf is a social game. Be open to small gestures of assistance like when the other person tends the flag or picks up your club for you. Say thank you when you are complimented.

9. Some things are meant to end. That includes a bad front 9. Lunch at the turn can always give new energy, hopefulness, and new goals. Past successes or failures don’t predetermine future results.

10. Finally, like life, it is easy to get off track and into the rough, woods, or water. Take the medicine and the penalty shot and then go ahead a make the third shot and the eventual up and down for par 5. Enjoy your “round” and be sure to stay in the game.

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Churning of the Soul: Lasting Change

The numbers on calendars change. The sun and moon alternate between who gets to shine. Graduations miraculously happen. Presidents come and go. Sermons get preached each Sunday. Yet the only true and lasting change that happens is that which gets churned in the soul. That change is transforming and lasting and inexplicable. Once tasted it becomes the true quencher of life's parched landscape. It's the holy grail. Changes in the heart, mind and soul are priceless yet elusive and hard work. All people are on that path one way or another. Soul work combined with life's hard daily work--now that's a life worth contemplating and then living.