Let's Have a Conversation

I am convinced that one of the most undervalued available relationship tools is deep, thoughtful and engaging conversation with another person.   The topic can be anything like politics, religion, sports, weather, philosophy, fishing, golf, parenting, cars, computers, so forth and so on.  I hope that I can discuss just about anything within reason with another person who is committed to maintaining mutual respect around ideas, culture, and values. 

Today I had the blessing of having a lengthy discussion around some deep political issues that have surfaced in our country and the conversation was with a person with whom I have a fair amount of difference of opinion in some cases.  In other cases there was some real common ground with the person.  Either way working at a back and forth, civil and thoughtful conversation around important topics is an easy way to increase quality of life.  I find that I become a better person as I understand another’s views while also trying to articulate my own ideas in a clear way that the other appreciates. 

Conversation takes time.  It takes grace.  It takes a commitment to understand another person.  It is giving dignity and respect.  It makes my world richer.  Hopefully it enriches the life of the other person too.  For me, deep conversation offers so much to gain in the areas of ideas, spirituality, and relationships with others.   

The Summer Day by Mary Oliver

The Summer Day

Who made the world?

Who made the swan, and the black bear?

Who made the grasshopper?

This grasshopper, I mean-

the one who has flung herself out of the grass,

the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,

who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down-

who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.

Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.

Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.

I don't know exactly what a prayer is.

I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down

into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,

how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,

which is what I have been doing all day.

Tell me, what else should I have done?

Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?

Tell me, what is it you plan to do

with your one wild and precious life?

—Mary Oliver

Friendship

About three weeks ago my church’s senior pastor presented a sermon on friendship.  One of his statements from the sermon is still staying with me.  He said, “Sometimes we treat friendships like a paper plate at a picnic…tossed away when it is no longer needed.” It was a strong statement but one that spoke to me.   He challenged the church in attendance to avoid treating friends as disposable commodities.    His words were even more challenging as he discussed the in vogue topic of “loneliness” and it’s pervasiveness in many people’s lives in the midst of our high-tech world.

Since that sermon I have been contemplating my own approach to friendship.  I have only so much time and energy to share and that is true for most people.  We can’t befriend the world but becoming a better friend is a high and holy goal for many, including me.    

So, first, I want to be God’s friend. That’s where I start.  If nothing else, there is a commitment from God that is unchanging and not humanly fickle.  Yes, God and me.  That’s a win-win and I need that more than anything.

Second, my pets have always been my unconditional friend.  Lucy, our black 12 year old Pug is faithful to the core.  She loves me and loves people and loves my family.  What more can a dog owner ask? 

Third, I want to be a better friend and I can only hope to receive the same care from others.  Friendship takes time, money, caring, and patience to name a few underlying parts of the friendship, give and take, equation.  Most of the time the friendship is in a fluid state and subject to life’s challenges that each friendship experiences.   There is an ebb and flow of the caring, giving, and receiving. 

To conclude I am thankful for my friends.  I want to be a faithful, good friend to others as I am able.   It’s a lifelong pursuit but it is certainly not easy.  Blessings to you and to me as we work on being a friend and having friends.   

The Heart of a Great Chaplain and Manager: Honoring a Colleague

I have had the blessing of working for and with Rev. Dr. Terry Wilson at my current place of employment for almost 17 years. He was instrumental in the movement to my current hospital and I will be forever grateful that he invited me to join the chaplain staff in the sacred and human work of hospital chaplaincy. I have told him, on numerous occasions that he is one of the most “patient” and “longsuffering” chaplains/minsters that I have ever known; probably the most if I had to decide definitively. I wanted to acknowledge Terry’s patience towards patients and families, hospital staff, the chaplain staff, and me. I have asked him how he is able to be so very patient and almost always he has never answered me. I get it. It’s part of his soul and his being. It’s obviously from his own gifts and God’s gifts.

Let me share a brief portion of scripture (Colossians 1:9-14) which captures it all:
9 For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you. We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, 10 so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, 11 being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, 12 and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light. 13 For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, 14 in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

Verse 11 is the key and heart of Terry: “…so that you may have great endurance and patience.” God provides the power to ensure ‘great endurance and patience.’” Thank you, Terry, for your steadfastness towards patients in need and families in distress during your 23 years at MUSC. God’s power at work in you has given patients, families, staff, and me, the time and space to grow into what God would want. We are on God’s clock for sure and most of us need all the patience we can find! May your days in retirement continue to empower you to help people and give you joy everlasting.

"Please Sit With Me"

A reflection and poem in honor of my colleague and good friend Chaplain Rev. Melvin Williams

who is retiring at the end of March.

Please sit with me chaplain.

Thank you.

Your non-judgemental attitude makes me feel at ease.

Your pastoral presence reminds me of God’s light in the midst of my darkness.

Our paths crossed—thank God.

You know of The Cross:  pain, injustice, and marginalization.

Your silence is speaking love and mercy, like living water.

God has sat with you and with me.

God came near me in you.

Thank you.

Please sit with me chaplain.

"Quiet, Peaceful, Serene" - Rev. George M. Rossi

A warm Winter's day.

Windows open.

Red camilias blooming.

Sermons have been preached.

Souls stirred for a new week.

Peacefulness descends on full stomachs. 

Rest has arrived. 

Gentle breezes.

Cars traveling in the distance. 

The dog resting.

Soul-stirring silence.

Ah yes.

The Drive

by

Rev. George M. Rossi

The drive to do something; deep pushes from the collective unconscious.

The drive to succeed; trying to be someone and do something special.  Standing out in the family.

The drive to not be like mom or dad, or grandmom or grandpop.  There has to be a better way.

The drive to know myself, deeply.  There is no greater mystery.  Can I truly know?

The drive to know God, and to follow God, and to be even a little like God.  Ultimate mystery drives.

What drives you?  What drives me?  I am not sure that we really know for sure.  Mixture of drives.

The drive to be unique.  The drive to love myself and the drive to love others. 

Love drives us on. 

The drive.