Friendship

About three weeks ago my church’s senior pastor presented a sermon on friendship.  One of his statements from the sermon is still staying with me.  He said, “Sometimes we treat friendships like a paper plate at a picnic…tossed away when it is no longer needed.” It was a strong statement but one that spoke to me.   He challenged the church in attendance to avoid treating friends as disposable commodities.    His words were even more challenging as he discussed the in vogue topic of “loneliness” and it’s pervasiveness in many people’s lives in the midst of our high-tech world.

Since that sermon I have been contemplating my own approach to friendship.  I have only so much time and energy to share and that is true for most people.  We can’t befriend the world but becoming a better friend is a high and holy goal for many, including me.    

So, first, I want to be God’s friend. That’s where I start.  If nothing else, there is a commitment from God that is unchanging and not humanly fickle.  Yes, God and me.  That’s a win-win and I need that more than anything.

Second, my pets have always been my unconditional friend.  Lucy, our black 12 year old Pug is faithful to the core.  She loves me and loves people and loves my family.  What more can a dog owner ask? 

Third, I want to be a better friend and I can only hope to receive the same care from others.  Friendship takes time, money, caring, and patience to name a few underlying parts of the friendship, give and take, equation.  Most of the time the friendship is in a fluid state and subject to life’s challenges that each friendship experiences.   There is an ebb and flow of the caring, giving, and receiving. 

To conclude I am thankful for my friends.  I want to be a faithful, good friend to others as I am able.   It’s a lifelong pursuit but it is certainly not easy.  Blessings to you and to me as we work on being a friend and having friends.   

The Heart of a Great Chaplain and Manager: Honoring a Colleague

I have had the blessing of working for and with Rev. Dr. Terry Wilson at my current place of employment for almost 17 years. He was instrumental in the movement to my current hospital and I will be forever grateful that he invited me to join the chaplain staff in the sacred and human work of hospital chaplaincy. I have told him, on numerous occasions that he is one of the most “patient” and “longsuffering” chaplains/minsters that I have ever known; probably the most if I had to decide definitively. I wanted to acknowledge Terry’s patience towards patients and families, hospital staff, the chaplain staff, and me. I have asked him how he is able to be so very patient and almost always he has never answered me. I get it. It’s part of his soul and his being. It’s obviously from his own gifts and God’s gifts.

Let me share a brief portion of scripture (Colossians 1:9-14) which captures it all:
9 For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you. We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, 10 so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, 11 being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, 12 and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light. 13 For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, 14 in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

Verse 11 is the key and heart of Terry: “…so that you may have great endurance and patience.” God provides the power to ensure ‘great endurance and patience.’” Thank you, Terry, for your steadfastness towards patients in need and families in distress during your 23 years at MUSC. God’s power at work in you has given patients, families, staff, and me, the time and space to grow into what God would want. We are on God’s clock for sure and most of us need all the patience we can find! May your days in retirement continue to empower you to help people and give you joy everlasting.

"Please Sit With Me"

A reflection and poem in honor of my colleague and good friend Chaplain Rev. Melvin Williams

who is retiring at the end of March.

Please sit with me chaplain.

Thank you.

Your non-judgemental attitude makes me feel at ease.

Your pastoral presence reminds me of God’s light in the midst of my darkness.

Our paths crossed—thank God.

You know of The Cross:  pain, injustice, and marginalization.

Your silence is speaking love and mercy, like living water.

God has sat with you and with me.

God came near me in you.

Thank you.

Please sit with me chaplain.

"Quiet, Peaceful, Serene" - Rev. George M. Rossi

A warm Winter's day.

Windows open.

Red camilias blooming.

Sermons have been preached.

Souls stirred for a new week.

Peacefulness descends on full stomachs. 

Rest has arrived. 

Gentle breezes.

Cars traveling in the distance. 

The dog resting.

Soul-stirring silence.

Ah yes.

The Drive

by

Rev. George M. Rossi

The drive to do something; deep pushes from the collective unconscious.

The drive to succeed; trying to be someone and do something special.  Standing out in the family.

The drive to not be like mom or dad, or grandmom or grandpop.  There has to be a better way.

The drive to know myself, deeply.  There is no greater mystery.  Can I truly know?

The drive to know God, and to follow God, and to be even a little like God.  Ultimate mystery drives.

What drives you?  What drives me?  I am not sure that we really know for sure.  Mixture of drives.

The drive to be unique.  The drive to love myself and the drive to love others. 

Love drives us on. 

The drive.

Goals: Written Down and Methodically Pursued

I have the frequent opportunity of meeting people who are facing significant challenges in their life, usually medical challenges but not always.  Sometimes people face job layoffs, other losses, or lifecycle age-related concerns like planning for retirement or seeking a new place of employment.  Other changes can be setting new life goals and pursuing a new found purpose for living.  

Let me share two really simple facts of life:  (1) Most changes happen one step at a time, including working towards important goals like a college degree or tackling a home improvement project.  (2)  Writing goals on paper is a good way to hold oneself accountable and to remain on target for reaching the goal. 

As I enter 2018 I am reminding myself that “written goals” are more likely to be achieved versus keeping goals unwritten and only in one's mind.  That has been my anecdotal experience.  Looking at goals on paper gives focus and direction to the dreamer and individual.  Here’s wishing everyone an abiding hope and strong determination that give you energy and guidance for reaching your goals.  

Gone Too Soon: Honoring a Colleague and Friend

I knew that Sherry was facing a life threatening illness and she was doing all she could to serve her institution, to take care of herself, and to be a light to the world.  My good colleague, Chaplain Reverend Sherry Owensby-Sikes, died on November 4, 2017 at age 71.  She was the Chaplain at the Lutheran retirement community, Franke at Seaside, in Mount Pleasant, South Carolina for 17 years.  More than that she was a wife, mother, devoted Christian, professional chaplain, Lutheran pastor, and trusted colleague who deeply cared for people.  I want to dedicate this blog to her life, and in memory of her ministry and work as a chaplain.  I also want to share my heartfelt condolences for Mr. Dave Sikes, Sherry’s husband, in his great loss.  

Sherry was an outstanding listener.  She was an empathetic pastoral caregiver.  She could connect with others at the soul level in a respectful and tolerant manner--always.  She trusted God and helped others to lean into God’s great grace and care.  She was a champion of those who had been marginalized by a society that is in love with power, money, and status.  She was a chaplain to chaplains.  She advocated for professional chaplaincy and the goal of helping other chaplains reach their potential.  She was a leader and amazing advocate.  She is someone you would want to call, “true friend.”  I honor and remember Chaplain Sherry and I will miss her.   May the LORD comfort Dave Sikes and Sherry’s family.  Sherry’s death, like Christ’s death, is not the last word.  The last word is God’s invitation and welcome into the eternal Kingdom of God where grace and mercy will rule the day.  I am grateful for Sherry’s commitment and witness that embodied God’s mercy and grace to a hurting and aging world.   She will be greatly missed by many.